There is a creature, who lurks in the deep, an ancient predator who is feared and respected; this leviathan, this ancient terror goes by only one name, The Megalodon. Or at least that’s what society might tell you. The Megalodon has been overzealously hyped and overinflated since they were first discovered, but this time has come to an end. The Megalodon is not what you think, it is not alive, it is not cool, it is not big, and most importantly it WILL NOT WIN! I am here to dispel these incredibly inaccurate facts that society spouts concerning the Megalodon.
Most people might think that the Megalodon is the biggest sea creature ever, but those people would be wrong and foolish. The Megalodon is only about 60 feet long which is slightly larger than one school bus, but do you know what is bigger than the Megalodon, two school buses. That’s right two school buses are approximately 30 feet longer than the Megalodon, not so big now huh? The Megalodon was never even the biggest thing in the ocean, that title belongs to the Blue Whale. The Blue Whale, also known as the Big Kahuna, was and is the biggest thing that has ever lived in the ocean. The largest Blue whale ever recorded was 98 ft. 38 feet longer than the Megalodon. The Blue Whale is bigger than two school buses! But why not look at some other aspects of this shark, for example, teeth.
Megalodon means “big tooth” in Latin, so one might think that they would have some big teeth, right? The Megalodon’s teeth were 7.1 in. on average which is not even that big. A ruler measures 12 in. which is bigger than the Megalodon’s tooth. How are we supposed to believe that this gnashing tyrannical ruler of the seas is deserving of this title if it has teeth smaller than a piece of wood? But if you want an example of some bigger teeth you can always look to the biggest cool guy around, the Tyrannosaurus Rex. The T. Rex has 12 in. long teeth, that is teeth as big as a ruler! Now this dinosaur puts Soy Boy Megalodon to shame, the main character of Jurassic Park was the T. Rex but who was the Megalodon the main character of? Oh yeah, The Meg, the movie that made less than Mission Impossible: Fallout which came out only 14 days before. The T. Rex trounces the Megalodon in every way possible, for example, legs. The Megalodon cannot even walk, what type of intimidating monster of dinosaur times has no legs? Anyone can escape the Megalodon, but no one can escape the T. Rex.
But the most important aspect of the Megalodon that proves its inadequacy to all other predators is that it is dead, that’s right, DEAD! What type of animal just goes ahead and dies, like has it ever heard of eating? Science believes that the Megalodon went extinct for a couple reasons, it faced competition from other predators, it couldn’t handle the cooler ocean that the Ice Age brought on, and the lack of the Megalodon’s primary food source starved it. This shark is textbook Millennial, dying off the minute it entered the real world, but guess what snowflake? The real world has competition! And I guess the Megalodon just cannot handle some cold water. Apparently, this entitled smooth fined Millennial shark has never heard of a jacket. It is honestly disappointing that such a big impressive looking creature is incapable of handling even a little bit of hardship. Meanwhile, the only thing that managed to kill the late great Tyrannosaurus Rex was a meteorite. Only space had the raw power necessary to kill the T. Rex, nothing on earth was good enough.
So, the next time you begin to feel that urge, that hunger, that desire for the oceanic failure known as the Megalodon; just remember, this big fish is not what you think it is. The Megalodon is a foolish, no good, small toothed, soy fish is disappointing and not the shark that you want to support.